you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
