I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
