Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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