There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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