You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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