12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
