so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
