I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
