Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
