failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
