I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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