that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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