Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
