I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
