she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
