I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
