I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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