Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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