He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize