where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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