nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize