i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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