I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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