You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
