So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize