No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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