She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
