Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
