My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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