I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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