what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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