TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
