No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
