"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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