Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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