he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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