I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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