That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
