Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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