Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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