Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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