Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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