If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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