I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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