It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
