i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
