just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
