mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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