After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize