I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize