Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
