We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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