the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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