Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
