But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
