Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Someone signed my nipple.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
