I am puke
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
