It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
