Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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