I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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