ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize