please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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