buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
