I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
