Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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