I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
