1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
