i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
