so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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