he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You pole danced in your parka.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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