She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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