what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
