just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
