they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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