I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
