OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
