You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
