I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
