i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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