i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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