After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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