The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
