Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
