oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
