Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
