garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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