You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
