i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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