If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
