p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
