Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
